I'm ok!

For me, anxiety manifests itself with a very real fear that I'm not a good person. It's the analysis of hundreds of thoughts and actions to see if I've said, done or implied something that proves my fear.

Anxiety causes a feeling of panic to surge through every part of me. It can act like a weight that presses down on me when I lie down at night. It can cause an intense tiredness that makes my words slur and leaves little room for anything else to come or go in my head. 

Anxiety takes my biggest fears and taunts me with them. So that sometimes this is all I can hear. It whispers that I'm not a good mum, a good wife, a good friend, a good person. That I'm not worthy. That any happiness I feel isn't deserved and so I take it in snatches. I try and rebel from it by acting carefree- silly, funny, flirty- but it always catches up with me, casually whispering that I don't deserve that happiness, that I'm not worthy. And then I feel guilty about it for days after.

One thing I know though, is that anxiety will never be stronger than me, though often it feels it. It never will be. And like all bullies, eventually they lose steam, lack credibility and ultimately trip themselves up. And so I'm ok. Really. Perhaps it also means that actually I am a pretty good friend because while anxiety might kick the crap out of me most days I'll be damned if I let it do that to my friends without joining their fight.

So if any of this rings true for you, know you're not alone.

I get it. 

For help and advice on the benefits of therapy. just click here.